| ghost story |
[24 Oct 2005|12:50pm] |
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This is the version of a story that I told at a ghost-themed storytelling event on Saturday. I had the text in front of me, but tried to reference it as little as possible while still keeping the story fluent. I knew the story pretty well by then, so was actually able to do a few paragraphs by heart, and I changed a couple of things as I went along, but not many. This, therefore, isn't exactly the same as the one that was heard there, but it's close enough.
I think the idea has potential and I'd like to edit a final version designed to be read rather than listened to. This was written with the explicit intention of being oral in style rather than literary. However it's also the first actual short story I've ever written, and after reaching this version (which I'm pretty happy with) I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to go next. I don't know what needs changing. I could sit down and rewrite the entire thing, I suppose, but since I don't have much time at the moment the best thing seemed to be to show you and see what you think.
I'd be interested to know what you think works, what doesn't, and what changes might be appropriate for the change of context. After all, orally told stories need to be comprehensible in one hearing, which written stories don't, so I have more leeway. I'm also lacking a title, so suggestions would be appreciated.
I don't know how to use Greek text on LJ, so it's transliterated. All the Greek is just cut and pasted from the Odyssey in case anyone was wondering. One of the things I want to do is use more Greek and more literary references, but things like starting with the Greek won't be nearly as effective an opening line as it was when I was telling it aloud.
( ghost story )
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